TikToker Explains Why Women Should Always Lie About Past Relationships and It’s Causing a Stir Online
If your partner starts probing you about your ex, one woman says to lie and keep your dating history under wraps because the ex doesn’t “need to know.”
TikTok user @tisiaxvs posted a video that racked up more than 40,000 reactions, in which she said, “If a man asks you about your past relationships, lie.”
The TikToker cited examples of conflicts that were negative markers of previous relationships like if a man had a child with another woman or had a whole family elsewhere that their partner didn’t know about. She advised people that if their current partners start asking questions, just simply state that the relationship with their exes was “cordial” and that they were “good” people.
“Lie. You will never know what my ex did to me. I don’t want you getting no bright ideas. I don’t want you to know where the bar was ever set.”
Many women in the comments were in favor of her thoughts on how to handle these types of conversations, noting that men often have used their dating history against them.
“This is true,” one person commenting said in support. “You’ll be setting the bar and they’ll know what they can get away with.”
“Literally. My ex once said, ‘you let so and so do all this but get mad when I did this?’ Like I settled once, not ever again,” another person wrote.
“Same goes for when your ex “checks in”. LIE! You’re doing amazing! You’re living & dating an amazing man who brings you peace. That’s your story,” one user advised.
There were some who weren’t taken by her comments, namely male users who expressed some disapproval of lying while in a relationship.
“So y’all start relationships off on lies? Bet,” someone said.
“Start off the relationship with a lie…nah stay single fellas,” another commenter wrote.
Relationship coaches and therapists advocate for conversations with partners about past relationships but say it’s okay to keep details to a minimum. What’s most important to discuss is what you learned and where you are at present if you’re to chat with your partner about your dating history.
“Unless you’re able to share what you’ve learned, it’s like hiding a part of yourself,” divorce coach Dr. Karen Finn told HuffPost. “Does that mean that you need to share every last sexual encounter you’ve had and the intimate details of it? No. There are appropriate levels of sharing.”
“The current relationship is with and for the couple, not previous partners,” psychotherapist Yuko Nippoda told Refinery29. “If talking about exes will help the relationship, it might be relevant and even necessary, but the couple needs to be careful not to do this too much as the intimate boundaries can be damaged by it.”
A 2019 Australian academic study found that women had less positive attitudes toward their ex-partners than men did because of serious, problematic behaviors that led to a breakup, such as infidelity, substance abuse and mental or physical abuse.
The American Psychological Association recommends focusing on the positive aspects and outcomes of breakups in order to stimulate growth rather than linger on a past relationship’s negative attributes.
