A Geriatrician Explains: Supporting Loved Ones Through End-of-Life Care – BlackDoctor.org

For millions of families, the final stage of a loved one’s illness is one of the most heartbreaking and confusing periods they will ever navigate. As decline becomes unavoidable, relatives often feel compelled to “do everything,” even when aggressive medical interventions in the last weeks of life offer no benefit—and may even cause harm. Families are overwhelmed, emotional, and desperate not to give up.

In this video, Dr. Cheryl E. Woodson shares why clear, thoughtful planning is not about how someone wants to die—it’s about understanding the conditions under which living is still meaningful to them. End-of-life decisions should not fall on distraught family members in crisis; they should be guided by the person’s own values, documented long before these decisions ever need to be made.

The Power of Clear Communication and Legal Protection

One of the strongest tools families have is advance directives—documents that ensure a person’s wishes are honored when they can no longer communicate. These include:

• Power of Attorney for Healthcare: Names a trusted decision-maker who will follow your values, not their own. If you cannot speak, blink, tap, or show understanding, this person becomes your advocate.

• Living Will: A general outline of treatment preferences.

• POLST (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment): A more detailed, medical form specifying exactly what treatments you want—and for how long.

These documents prevent confusion, conflict, and harmful medical interventions. They provide clarity during the most emotional moments, protecting both the patient’s dignity and the family’s unity.

Why You Must Complete These Documents Early

Advance directives should be completed as soon as the state recognizes you as an adult. After age 18, no one—not even your spouse or parents—automatically has legal authority to make medical decisions for you. “Next of kin” is a courtesy, not a legal right.

Without proper documentation, disagreements among family members can end up in court, prolonging suffering and creating lifelong division. Completing these forms early removes that burden entirely.

One speaker even gave these forms to her children as part of their 18th-birthday gifts—normalizing the process and treating it as a responsible rite of passage.

Preventing Family Conflict During the Most Vulnerable Moments

End-of-life transitions bring out deep emotions, unresolved tensions, and complicated family dynamics. Without clear instructions, families can fracture—arguing over decisions their loved one never clarified.

Advance directives provide protection:
“This is what Mama told me to do.”

With that document in hand, no sibling or relative can challenge the decisions unless they can prove her wishes aren’t being followed. This prevents fights, guilt, and chaos at a time when everyone is already hurting.

A Loving Responsibility for the Whole Family

Completing advance directives is not only an act of self-care—it’s an act of love. It preserves family harmony, reduces suffering, and ensures no one has to carry the weight of impossible decisions alone. Some families even make it a holiday tradition: passing out the forms at the Thanksgiving table as a normal expression of love, adulthood, and responsibility.

Planning ahead protects your family. It prevents conflict. And it allows your loved ones to grieve without losing one another.

RELATED: A Geriatrician Explains: How to Navigate End-of-Life Care