Evolution is part of the human experience. To that end, how we feel today might not be how we feel tomorrow based on experience or personal realizations. Gabrielle Union is proof of that.
Recently, the actress sat down with Les Alfred on the “Balanced Girl” podcast to reflect on how her mindset has shifted over the years—especially regarding relationships and money. If you remember, “relationships and money” is where she shared one of her most infamous takes: Everything in a relationship should be split 50/50.
“I famously said 50/50 or bust, and I meant that in every [aspect]—financially, spiritually, emotionally,” she shared. “[But] there’s just a lot of days that I have 10%, and I need him to be 90. There are days I don’t have sh**, and I need him to be 100.”
In 2023, Union sparked one of social media’s greatest debates when she revealed that she and her husband, NBA Hall of Famer Dwyane Wade, split their bills evenly.
“It’s weird to say I’m head of household because, in this household, we split everything 50/50,” she said at the time, explaining how she also feels the financial pressure of supporting family outside of her home.
At the time, Union admits that she was shocked by social media’s strong reactions because, for her, the even split felt like a sense of “empowerment.” But now, two years later, she recognizes that mindset—and the anxiety behind it—stemmed from trauma.
“I was diagnosed with PTSD after being sexually assaulted at 19,” she revealed. “[So] the extreme anxiety, the anxiety attacks, being hyperfocused on efficiency and time, and being fiercely independent are all trauma responses.”
Union began unpacking this while working on Season 3 of “Truth Be Told” alongside Octavia Spencer. The show, which highlights the stories of Black girls who had gone missing and been assaulted in Oakland, hit close to home for Union, who was sexually assaulted in that same city. Forced to confront her past, the star remembers the show triggering her so deeply that she cried every night after wrapping scenes. Though the show unveiled “the depths of [her] disassociation,” it also helped kickstart her healing journey.
“I’ve realized so much more about myself, what I survived, and the power of the brain and body,” she told Alfred. “But I was finally ready to deal with all of it—to start releasing the things I had buried.”
For years, people have seen Union as quick-witted and independent, but she now understands that her need for control—whether it’s being on time, having sharp comebacks, or splitting bills—is all rooted in trauma.
“It’s [about] never wanting to be so out of control I don’t have control over what is happening to my body,” she explained. “50/50 is ‘ I’m not going to be vulnerable enough to trust you with 100% of anything, not my heart, not my cash, not my energy.’”
Now, she’s actively working to release some of that control in her relationship, but it hasn’t been easy. She recalled the anxiety she felt when asking Wade to take on more of their mortgage.
“I thought I was going to die. I had such bad anxiety. I was crying. I was shaking. And he was like, ‘Yeah, you insisted on that…I thought it made you feel better,’” she said, reenacting Wade’s reaction. “I was like, ‘It did, and right now, I want to take it back—but let’s just try it for a month.’”
Though she admits “it sounds crazy” to be anxious about letting her NBA superstar husband—who “makes a bazillion more” than her—cover the mortgage, in the moment, her anxiety was so crippling she felt like something was blocking her throat.
“I hate the feeling of releasing that [responsibility] to someone else because when you do, chaos can happen,” she said. “But these are baby steps. I’m trying to be like, ‘Okay, you got it.’ And it’s brought us closer because he knows it’s not about whether he can afford it—it’s about being vulnerable enough…open enough to know that I’m okay. I’m okay as his wife, he’s okay as my husband. I’m okay in this family… in this home”
Ultimately, she’s still a work in progress.
“No matter how much I want to try to control time, or people, or every situation by overthinking every single thing that could possibly happen that never happens, I’m not any safer. I’m not any further along,” she continued. “So I’m trying to expand my heart and expand all of the notions of what vulnerability can look like. And it feels good to relinquish some of [these] things.”
