You may have seen the headline: Loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It’s a powerful comparison, but it needs some context. With health risks as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes each day, a recent study found that Black people are more likely to feel lonely than the general population. A 2023 article in the American Journal of Epidemiology explains that the smoking comparison helped bring attention to loneliness, but it could oversimplify the research. The more useful message is this: connection matters for your health.
According to the CDC, loneliness and social isolation are linked with a higher risk of several health problems, including heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, dementia, and earlier death. But hearing those risks shouldn’t make someone who’s lonely feel doomed. Loneliness isn’t a personal failure, and rebuilding connection doesn’t require suddenly filling your calendar with social events.
For Black communities, meaningful connection may already exist in familiar places—churches, fraternities and sororities, barbershops and salons, neighborhood groups, walking clubs, volunteer organizations, family gatherings, and friendships among generations. Sometimes the first step is simply showing up again.
Loneliness and Social Isolation Aren’t the Same Thing
You can spend a lot of time alone without feeling lonely. You can also be surrounded by people and still feel deeply alone. That’s because loneliness and social isolation aren’t exactly the same. Social isolation refers to having few relationships, limited contact with others, or little social support. Loneliness is the feeling that you’re alone, disconnected, or missing the close relationships you want.
Someone can have coworkers, relatives, hundreds of social-media followers, and a busy social calendar but still feel like nobody can truly talk to them. Another person may live alone, enjoy quiet time, have a few close relationships, and rarely feel lonely. What matters isn’t simply how many people you know. It’s whether your relationships give you the connection and support you need.
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How Do You Know You Need More Connection?
Loneliness doesn’t always look like sitting home alone. Sometimes it sounds like:
“I have people around me, but nobody really knows what’s going on with me.”
You might realize you haven’t had a meaningful conversation in weeks. Maybe you keep browsing social media, hoping to feel connected, but end up feeling worse. You may stop answering calls, turn down invitations, or feel like you’re bothering people when you contact them.
You may also notice that you miss having someone to laugh with, eat with, walk with, worship with, or simply call when you’ve had a difficult day. Loneliness can also overlap with stress and depression. Research among church-attending Black American adults found that greater loneliness was associated with poorer self-rated health, with stress and depressive symptoms playing an important role in that relationship. You don’t need to wait until loneliness becomes severe before doing something about it.
Don’t Chase a Bigger Circle—Build a Stronger One
When people hear “be more social,” they may imagine they need to make ten new friends. You don’t. One of the easiest ways to build connection is through small, regular interactions. Instead of attending one large event and hoping to instantly find your new best friend, choose something you can return to.
That might mean going to the same Saturday walking group every week. Attend Bible study twice a month. Volunteer at the same food pantry. Call your brother every Sunday afternoon. Go to the same barber instead of switching shops. Join a neighborhood organization and keep showing up. Familiarity gives relationships time to grow. You may start with, “How are you?” Eventually it becomes, “How did that job interview go?” That’s connection.
Black communities have long created spaces for connection, support, mentorship, and common experiences. Churches are one example. Research has found particularly strong church-based social relationships among older Black Americans. One national study found that older Black adults tended to have stronger relationships with fellow church members and clergy than the other groups studied. Another study of older Black Americans found that support from church members was linked with fewer depressive symptoms and less psychological distress.
Connection can happen anywhere you feel comfortable, from church and community groups to walking clubs, barbershops, and salons. Start with places where you already feel welcome and can be yourself.
Reconnecting After Life Changes Can Take Time
Sometimes loneliness shows up after something changes. You are moving to a new city. Your children leave home. You retire. You become a caregiver. A relationship ends. A close friend moves away. Someone you love dies. Your health changes and you can’t participate in activities the way you used to.
The CDC notes that losing a loved one, living with a chronic condition or disability, unemployment, and limited transportation can increase the risk of loneliness or isolation. Older adults can face additional risks as their health, mobility, and social circles change.
Don’t expect yourself to replace an important relationship immediately. Start smaller. Call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Accept one invitation you’d normally turn down. Return to an activity you used to enjoy. Ask a friend to walk with you once a week. If you’ve recently moved, try becoming a regular somewhere—a coffee shop, gym class, church, library, community center, or neighborhood event. New relationships often take time to become comfortable.
Black Men Need Friendship Too
Men aren’t always encouraged to talk openly about loneliness. A man may have coworkers, relatives, fraternity brothers, church friends, or people he watches sports with but still not have anyone he feels comfortable calling when life gets hard.
Research on social isolation among Black Americans has found that men may face particular risks. One national study found that Black men were more likely than women to be isolated from both family and friends or from family alone.
More recent research involving 1,200 Black men age 40 and older with chronic health conditions found that about one in four reported feeling isolated, not having enough people to call for help, or being unhappy with their friendships and relationships.
Friendship doesn’t have to start with a serious talk. Spend time together, grab a meal, watch a game, or check in with a friend. Sometimes a simple “You good?” can lead to a deeper conversation.
Older Adults Need More Than Occasional Check-Ins
The CDC reports that older adults can become isolated over time because of retirement, health problems, losing loved ones, or difficulty getting around. Families can help by calling and visiting regularly, including older relatives in family activities, and helping them stay connected to people of all ages.
Ask questions: “What was your first job?” “What was Grandma like when you were young?” “Teach me how you make this recipe.” Connection can grow while history is being passed down.
Know When Loneliness May Be Something More
Feeling lonely doesn’t automatically mean you have depression, but the two can overlap. If you are lonely, you’re not alone in feeling that way. One in three people in America report feeling lonely every week, and 10 percent say they are lonely every day, according to a poll released in January 2024 by the American Psychiatric Association.
Pay attention if loneliness comes with ongoing sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest in things you usually enjoy, major sleep or appetite changes, difficulty concentrating, or pulling away from almost everyone. That’s a good time to talk with a doctor or mental health professional. Community matters, but a walking club, church group, or friendship shouldn’t be expected to replace mental health treatment when treatment is needed. You can have both.
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You don’t need to rebuild your social life in one weekend. Pick one or two simple actions and repeat them.
Your personal community prescription could be:
- One weekly call: Choose one person and call them every week.
- One recurring activity: Try a church group, walking club, class, volunteer shift, fraternity or sorority event, or neighborhood meeting.
- One invitation: Ask someone to grab coffee, eat lunch, go for a walk, or watch a game.
- One reconnection: Text someone you’ve been meaning to reach out to.
- One older or younger connection: Spend time with someone from another generation.
- One act of service: Volunteer somewhere that lets you work alongside the same people regularly.
- One honest conversation: Tell someone you trust that you’ve been feeling disconnected.
Keep it small enough that you’ll actually do it.
Connection Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect to Matter
Loneliness deserves to be taken seriously, but frightening statistics aren’t the whole story. Yes, social connection matters for health. The U.S. Surgeon General issued a report in 2023 titled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation. The Foundation for Art & Healing launched Project UnLonely in 2016 to create programming that raises awareness about loneliness and its negative physical and mental health effects. Making social connections can be hard, especially if you are in poor health, struggling financially, or living alone. But the CDC says a few modest acts of connection can build supportive, meaningful relationships.
Black communities already have many places for connection, including family, churches, barbershops, salons, community groups, and friendships. You don’t need a large social circle. Connection can start with one phone call, a weekly visit, a walk, or an honest conversation.
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