Allison Tomlin, a mom of two boys in Hilliard, Ohio, knows what it’s like to worry about kids’ mental health — and how hard it is for parents to find the right approach.
“A lot of times, parents are so focused on the fix that they dismiss the feelings,” Tomlin said. “Then kids shut down because if they’re not being seen as a person first and just a problem. Kids are often like, ‘Well, I’m just not going to have that conversation.’ ”
Tomlin isn’t alone, a new survey says.
Children’s mental health is an increasing source of stress for parents, the survey by The Kids Mental Health Foundation found.
Nearly all parents (97%) reported feeling stress related to parenting in the past month, according to the survey. Nearly one in three (30%) said they experienced stress “often.”
And two of the top sources of stress are children’s behavioral issues (35%) or children’s emotional and mental health (26%), the survey found.
Unfortunately, nearly half of parents (46%) said their stress makes their children more anxious or worried.
The online survey, conducted from February 27 to March 2, involved 1,081 parents of children under 18. The margin of error is plus or minus three percentage points.
“Parents today are aware of the importance of focusing on children’s mental health when it comes to raising them. The problem is that this generation of parents is the first to try and do this,” Ariana Hoet, executive clinical director of The Kids Mental Health Foundation, said in a news release.
“So, we hear, ‘I don’t have a model. I don’t know how to talk about mental health. I don’t know how to build mental wellness in my home.’ Parents are constantly worried, ‘Am I doing it wrong?’” she added.
RELATED: 7 Tell-Tale Signs of Parent Burnout
Tips for Reducing Stress
1. Take Care of Your Own Mental Health
Parents need to take care of their mental health because their stress can set the tone for the home, Hoet said.
Hoet recommends noticing what causes you stress and making changes where possible. For example, you might set clear boundaries around work hours or household responsibilities, schedule regular breaks for yourself throughout the day, or ask friends or family for help when feeling overwhelmed. Even small adjustments, like saying no to extra commitments or carving out quiet time to decompress, can make a difference.
With their mental health in good shape, parents can then support their kids, Hoet said.
2. Build Strong Routines and Conversations
Daily conversations, regular routines, and behavior management can help build a solid foundation for good mental health among kids, she added.
Tips for Building Routines and Conversations:
- Establish a simple daily routine, such as a family check-in at dinner or a few quiet minutes together before bedtime.
- Spend five minutes at the end of each day asking each child how they felt at school or what they are looking forward to tomorrow.
- Make bedtime chats a ritual to talk about the day or share gratitude.
- Use simple conversation prompts: “What was the best part of your day?”, “Is there anything that made you feel upset or worried today?”, “How can I support you when you feel sad?”
- Notice changes and open the door: “I noticed you seemed quiet after school. Do you want to talk about it?” or “It’s okay to have tough days. How are you feeling right now?”
These types of questions help children feel seen and encourage them to share their feelings.
“What we’re recommending is based on research. It’s what helps parents build their children’s mental health,” Hoet said. “Parents can feel like, ‘OK, I know exactly what to do’ and take that stress away from the decision making.”
Hoet said she’s been using tips from The Kids Mental Health Foundation to help her children feel heard.
“We’re having the hard conversations. We’re talking about the feelings. We’re talking about the emotions,” she said. “And sometimes as uncomfortable as it is for adults, it’s just a privilege to be able to be raising kids in a time where we’re putting mental health as a priority.”
3. Model Mistakes and Repair
Parents also shouldn’t sweat it if they make a mistake or two, Hoet said. Both sides can grow from mistakes.
Admitting when something did not go as planned and offering a simple, sincere apology—such as “I’m sorry I got upset earlier; I’m learning, too”—shows children that it is normal to make mistakes and make amends. Repairing after a misstep might mean talking about what happened, apologizing, and asking how things can be better next time. This helps teach kids that imperfection is expected, and real growth happens through these everyday moments of repair.
“Just model what it’s like to make mistakes, what it’s like to apologize and take accountability, and you’ll be OK,” Hoet said. “You’re repairing the relationship. The relationship is what matters.”
If you are looking for more resources or professional support, The Kids Mental Health Foundation offers a range of evidence-based tips and tools for families on its website. You can also reach out to your child’s school counselor, a pediatrician, or a licensed mental health professional if your child has ongoing concerns. For immediate support, several national helplines are available to provide guidance and connect families to local services.
